What do you do when faced with a difficult choice between two deeply valued alternatives? A choice that feels like you are sacrificing one for the other, like juggling career and family?
I recently faced such a decision.
For decades, my primary focus has been my work as a leader and entrepreneur in healthcare. My passion lies in helping women develop the leadership skills they need to have greater influence. I love my work and have long believed that my success comes from consistent dedication to it.
Then, a beautiful truth emerged. My incredible daughter, a nurse anesthetist with a bright future, made a bold choice. She embraced motherhood, trusting that her career would flourish alongside her growing family. She needed my help—a lot of it!
Which way to go?
This presented a dilemma for me. If I said yes to co-parenting with my daughter, what would happen to my career? Changing my role so dramatically churned up emotions I never expected. Would I remain respected in my field? Would I lose what I have worked so hard to create? I wrestled with what felt like a conflict of priorities.
When I shared my dilemma with friends and colleagues, their consistent response was, “What a blessing.” This response took me by surprise. For so long, I had equated success with the relentless pursuit of my career.
What did they see that I couldn’t? Slowly, I began to reframe my conflict by asking myself new questions:
- How can this be a blessing?
- What can I learn here?
- How could this alternative strengthen my business?
Reframing
Shifting my perspective helped me uncover the hidden potential in changing my primary focus from work to parenting. Brainstorming with colleagues, we generated creative solutions and possibilities, starting with:
- What if I only worked a few days a week for six months?
- What if I changed how I network?
- What if I limited my teaching schedule
Over a few months, I implemented many changes in my business that allowed me to continue the work I love in new and even better ways. Being present for my grandchild has indeed been a blessing. This journey hasn’t been without its doubts, but this co-parenting arrangement has become a source of strength. It has allowed me to recharge and return to my work more present and fulfilled.
Hidden opportunities
Next time you face a choice that presents a conflict between two things you value, ask yourself better questions. Uncover the hidden opportunities that offer ways not to sacrifice one for the other.
Let’s redefine success on our terms. Let’s celebrate the choices we make, the paths we forge, and find ways to say “Yes” to what is truly fulfilling.
Deborah Munhoz is a certified physician development coach. For more than 20 years she has coached top-level female healthcare professionals to help them overcome barriers and excel as leaders.